So I know it hasn't been that long since I got my new PC and came back to DA, but honestly? I think I need to take a break. A long one. I can't be sure just how long I'll be gone for, but I know I won't be returning anytime soon.
Now I'm usually not one to whine about problems, heck, I can't even stand it when other people complain most of the time. But I feel that just leaving without any sort of explanation is wrong, so I'll try to narrow down the reason.
First off, I'll start with how DA affects me. Now don't get me wrong, DA is a wonderful place filled with such amazing people and I think of it as a second home; or at least, I used to. When I first joined you couldn't pull me away from my screen, but now it just feels so...repetitive. DA feels more to me like a JOB than a home right now, and that's at my own fault.
Every time I come on I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders, I feel pressured to answer comments, to get my artwork out faster, to improve quicker, etc. You see all these amazing artists on DA how have significantly improved over a few short months, yet here I am 2 years into DA and I still require references for the majority of my work. I know that I'm improving, but I feel like it's not fast enough. Drawing for me is a hobby, something that I feel I can do whenever I wish without disappointing people who had higher expectations.
No one from DA caused me to feel this way, just thought I should put that out there. All these thoughts have been pushed down onto me at an early age from family, relative friends, etc. I've always been the child that "Could have done better" or "Would have gotten straight A's if I put more effort in". I'm street smart, not school smart. Adults have always had a "Straight A student" title above my head since I was young, and every time I didn't rise to their expectations they'd be disappointed, which left me stressed and feeling that I needed to "try" harder in order to be accepted. It's always been like that, and now that old way of thinking which I thought I'd moved past is coming back.
So I think that by staying on DA it'll only get worse. I will come back, there's no doubt in that. When though? I can't be sure. It could be a few months. It could be a year, maybe two. All I know is that if I stay and just ignore it, I'll revert to my old self. And that's not a good thing, that's not someone I want to be again.
Until I've sorted this out, I won't be returning to DA. For the person who's waiting on a request, don't worry. When I'm finished I'll be sure to upload it, same with the meme I'm working on with another person. But those are the only deviations that'll be going up during my absence.
After I post this journal I'll be on for 3 more days to try get back to as many comments as I can before I temporarily leave DA.